Pretty Good Year

2011 has been a mixed blast.  I traveled to many places: I went to Europe and the USA.  I loved my work.  There was a dramatic change in me.  I woke up at 6AM almost everyday and made it a point to be on time.  I joined the stream of the normal, the rush hour and the clock, and it actually felt... good.

And then just recently, it felt like I was back to zero.  But of course, that's not really true.  It just feels zero.  It feels so because it is change.

I (want to) believe that we are put in situations we can handle and that even on the brink of desperation what we perceive as a mile step backward is in fact a nudge towards a new direction: the direction you really want to be in.  I generally got what I wanted this year and that is lots of travels and lots of new people and experiences.  What I lost (more of resigned from) does not take away what I gained.  I actually gained more, and this time it is the form of wisdom (I hope).

I look ahead at 2012 with a blank slate.  It feels scary.  I am going to be thirty-three.  Have things changed?  Is this still me?  Am I going to do the same things?  Make the same mistakes, feel the same wrongs?  Will I lose what I had in 2011?  How do I keep what I gain?

That is the thing.  We do not know that.  I do not know that.  What will happen lies in what I do tomorrow.  And the day after that.  Heck, what I do later can even affect what will happen tomorrow.

I don't want to think that life is but a chain of events but what happens to us is still according to us.  Artists create their expressions, people express what they want to create.  I want to run to God and ask for help but at the end of the day, God is inside me... hey, God is me.  I create my own life.  I turn to the universe because I want to believe there is Something beyond me.  And there is.  What is beyond is infinite, inside and outside of me.  I am a physical embodiment of stars.

When we pray we usually pray for ourselves.  When we pray for other people, we do not really leave it to the universe so that they get saved and blessed.  We do something about it.  We do not just pray for those saved by tragedy, we also do something.  What we think we manifest, and the only way to manifest things is by doing.  And by having faith, of course.

The world might end according to some but what is true is that we are forever transforming.  Things are only the same if you think so.  When we wake up tomorrow, be surprised ---- we are fueled with new possibilities.  What we do about it?  It's up to you.

What's For Dinner

Putting together a meal plan at home has been a struggle since I started working full time.  When I moved out and moved in to my apartment I was always looking forward to cooking something up on the stove.  Shopping for food was bliss.  I had pasta daydreams.  I just wanted to make something I would consume myself.

Alas, when I worked nine-to-six for nine months I kinda neglected the stove.  Right now I am not even sure if I have enough gas in my tank.  My two-door fridge is empty.  I bet there is something rotting in the pantry.

At the moment I have tons of time in my hands as I have quit my full time job.  Although I have to say I will be busy in the coming weeks, my time is still something I can manage myself.  Right now I had substantial time to cook my dinner but instead of thinking of what to cook, I was considering which fast food to hit.  There's a newly opened KFC around the corner, and I caught myself thinking if I should get a Zinger or settle for a smaller-sized chicken sandwich as I am trying to manage my, say, health.  Because of such indecision I am still sitting in my home get-up and thinking that the early evening news and recovery from a very recent allergy attacks are enough to keep me home and undecided in the next thirty minutes.  But what the hey.

Right now I don't even know what I want to eat.  In a way I am starting to understand those who have lost their appetite and that eating is just a necessary function.  I am afraid I might start to binge in a few days and then I'll go on a hunger strike again just because nothing seems to appeal to me.  I don't know how this will work out now that the holidays will hit everyone like a sudden under current and food will continue to magically appear in-front of you.

Or maybe being under the weather in the past two days have been causing this similarity to a terminal ennui, a decided disinterest.  The small bar of Snickers did not work.  I am immune to caffeine though I swallowed it with a floating capsule of antihistamine.  I had a small piece of liempo for lunch and a sampler of fruit from the supermarket for merienda.

I think I'll have a Zinger for dinner.

So what were you doing ten years and a day ago?

I wasn’t exactly looking forward to the 9/11 memorial, well, yesterday.  I was sure it was a big deal; after all, CNN was airing 9/11 “specials” last week and some “match airing” American talk shows were also gearing up for the 9-11-11.  And of course I am aware of the tremendous impact of 9/11; after all, the TV was on CNN that fateful day ten years and a day ago and I remember reacting to it whilst writing the usual litany on the UP Red Cross Youth Yahoo group message board, which was the biggest thing pre-social networking era.  

I guess the reason I wasn’t initially interested was because I was a mere spectator to these events.  But of course despite the “disinterest”, instead of taking advantage of my Cine Europa pass, I stayed home and watched 102 Minutes that Changed America on Talk TV and then the ceremonies as broadcasted on CNN and BBC.  I fell asleep with the TV on, and I woke up to the same thing.  I guess grief does not really end.

After 9/11 I found myself getting curious about the Middle East, Islamic extremism, and, oh yeah, I saw Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 a few times and documentaries Beneath the Veil and The Beauty School of Kabul.  I became interested in American politics, especially their foreign policies.  I also read and watched features on Western imperialism.  Last year I finished the book In Baghdad, a memoir of a journalist who was assigned to cover the siege of Iraq. I was conspiracy curious.  I found myself angry every time the Muslim extremists were interviewed on TV and they justified jihad and demanded the implementation of the shari’a in the societies they immigrated into but at the same time I was angry at the West for claiming the right to lord over the Middle East after 9/11.  I actually got upset when I heard the news of that innocent South American man living in London who was gunned down by the police because he looked suspicious --- and yes, he kinda looked Middle Eastern because of the color of his skin.  That’s racial profiling for you.

The Hillary and Scotty show on Jam 88.3 this morning discussed  9/11, of course.  I thought they had a very interesting discussion.  The critical discourse post-9/11 ranges from the controversies on national security practices, ie racial profiling, to the essentials of cultural differences.  I guess people go either way after 9/11: you learn tolerance or you learn to suspect more.  Do we suspect every Muslim we meet on the street?  A Muslim woman who wears the burka because it was her choice?  What about multicultural societies --- do we honor cultural diversity or we demand assimilation?  Are the Americans right?

Pleasantville was aired on HBO last night; I thought the film was excellent in all its symbolic glory (I was on a ride in that arena as the cable channel aired The Truman Show before that).  Pleasantville is about change and the lost of innocence.  In the movie, Pleasantville is actually a black and white TV show, but when its world was shaken by two teenagers who “accidentally” found themselves in this world, people start seeing color... and then they cease being black and white.  I guess after 9/11 the world became more black and white but for some it merely turned into gray.  After 9/11 you learn a lot of things but the truth is that event was just a catalyst; the reality is that other countries have been having their own 9/11s which the majority of the world were mostly ignorant about.  I find it unfortunate that it took the destruction of two towers  that happened in less than two hours and not the massive destruction of communities over the course of several years to have people start paying this much attention.  Maybe you have to be a victim to start seeing color, huh.

My heart goes out to the victims, the innocent passengers of those planes, the occupants of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, the heroes who braved the danger and the rubble to save the lives of others.  But the sympathy does not end there.  There are other victims as well, especially the innocent lives that were lost in different parts of the world when the war on terrorism began.

And most of all, I feel sorry for ourselves.  But I do not want to lose hope, especially for this jaded, conflicted world.

Marriage --- Not Today (Maybe Tomorrow?)

As most things in most people’s lives, I just happened on this article by Tracy McMillan (I initially thought the author was Terry McMillan, author of Waiting to Exhale and How Stella Got Her Groove Back who was also likely to come up with something like this) and as most cases in a socially-networked world, I posted it on Facebook and texted a friend I had an article I wanted to send her (she said NO, haha).  Obviously, the title caught my attention: “Why You Are Not Married”.  As a single woman in my 30s, I wanted to know why.  So yes, I wanted answers!  Now na!

(Of course, as McMillan mentioned in an interview about this article, this piece does not apply to women who really do not want to get married).

In sum, the article underlined the following points directed at me (the readers, I mean) as to why girls like me are not married: You’re a Bitch, You’re Shallow, You’re a Slut, You’re a Liar, You’re Selfish, You’re Not Good Enough.

And frankly, even though the headliners are harsh, I found them to be absolutely true.  And I find them to be true among my single girlfriends.

The first point is anger and I think this spans beyond the normal definition of angry.  We like to complain about many things, and a good single woman complaint is, “Why is he such a jerk?” We spend a lot of our energy figuring out why this guy stopped calling, why he didn’t continue the relationship, why he cheated.  Of course we have the right to be angry, especially if not treated right.  Heck, I wanted to strangle someone’s neck a couple of weeks ago, and if I saw him today I’d probably punch him in the face.  See what I mean?  We have the tendency to get stuck in this anger that it emanates from our… aura.   We’re angry at the system, the government, blah blah.  And sometimes we end up acting too defensive and aggressive that guys pick up on the vibes, you know? 

And seriously, we women pick up negative vibes as well which explains we have become experts in hiding from certain types of men, right?  We remain to be queens of rejection, especially as Filipinas we freely exercise that thing called basted…  or busted --- how do you freaking spell this word?  Anyway.

The thing is we can be bitches because we don’t treat people nicely… even when you just want to be mean and give someone a good slap.  See, there is a place for expressing anger and in my opinion, when a man disrespects you and abuses you, yay, go ahead.  Being rough around the edges does not mean you have to be rough.

The second point is mainly about having weird thoughts about marriage/commitment and the definition of one’s self.  Self-explanatory.  The thing is, some women may say crazy things like they prefer a Greek god or someone with the money because their character will make up for the relationship.  Eh?

Third point --- come on, girls.  Like I always say, if a man has a one-night stand, there’s another woman involved (ergo, if men do not want to be judged engaging in one women must not be judged as well).  So what I am saying is, if this is the kind of lifestyle that one does not want to give up, obviously marriage is out of the question.  Unless it’s an open one.

Fourthly --- now this hits the jackpot.  Sometimes we settle because we do not want to lose the “relationship”.  If you want to get married and you are ready to get married, stand up for it.  Hence, don’t complain that you are not married yet if you are slutting around and your press release is “You just want to have fun”.  Now that’s lying.

Second to the last, selfishness is something one does not want to admit because he or she is too selfish to admit it.  You’re not married because your world obviously still revolves around you, and this “you” includes --- yes --- the good and the bad.  You are your ambitions (good) and your “issues” (bad).  You are your history (which you need to resolve and be at peace with) and your circumstances (and you choose to be a victim or not).  So yes, when a guy says “It’s not you”, I believe it is you --- because there are pieces of you that just break the deal.  And obviously, to put it simply, he is just not that into you.

What to do?  Move on.  Look for someone who would love to handle your crap the same way we, essentially, are just looking for someone whose crap we can and want to handle because of... love (and other relevant conditions).

Here’s the thing: there’s a difference being selfish and loving yourself.  I don’t have to explain it: you have to reflect on it yourself.  If you have found someone you can love beyond yourself, congratulations.  If this person does not love you back, well, call it material and write a movie/novel/essay/blog post about it.  Ka-ching!

And lastly, “being not good enough”.  What this point really says is we up the standards on our “ideal” partners because we want someone better than ourselves.  Years ago, I described my ideal partner as someone who is a lawyer, someone who plays the piano, and someone over six feet.  Seriously… but not literally.  I just realized I am not looking for someone “better” than me but rather these categories are pretty symbolic.  I want someone who is knowledgeable and has wisdom, someone I can talk to and someone I can have a discussion with.  I want someone with admirable traits (piano players just mesmerize me).  And --- alright --- I want someone (way) taller than me, tee-hee.  Humor and attractiveness (to me) are staples anyway.

Does this mean I want someone better than me?  More on that after this paragraph.

So I guess this article just highlights why I am not married yet: I needed to resolve my issues as an individual, I needed to define what a lifetime of commitment (marriage) is for me, I am still having fun and meeting different people, I didn’t know what I want, and there are many things that I still want to accomplish as a single person.  I have to say that I am still evolving, and like that “missing piece” in Shel Silverstein’s phenomenal work, I will continue rolling  even if I am broken, chipped, and even damaged. 

And of course, the other real reason --- and the answer to --- I am not married is I haven’t met my equal yet.  I am such a catch.  

Oh yeah.

Nightout-ing in Manila

If it gets too exciting, sit on the sidelines or find your corner.

Let’s face it --- the nightout scene is crucial in any city.  Locals, tourists, expats, visitors --- they are normally on the hunt for Things To Do When the Sun Sets.  They say that Manila has one of the most pulsing nightspots in Asia, mainly based on the fact that Filipinos love to “party”: eating, drinking, dancing, videoke-ing, you name it.  In a city that does not really sleep, thanks to 24-hour McDos and Starbucks-es, and of course the graveyard workforce, one can be assured that in any fraction of any day, there is something to do in the city.

The point is, are these options enough?

I remember the time when my friends and I started hitting the age bracket that would put an end to our 20s, we started complaining that our favorite clubs (including the now-defunct Embassy) were starting to get invaded by “young” people.  Picture that Sex and the City episode where Samantha does a PR job for this teenage socialite’s bar mitzvah and the (older) girls started making comments, “She’s too young to wear that dress!!”  Anyway, maybe that’s part of the wonderful woes of getting older --- but seriously, how come these teen-agers are wearing these really, really short dresses paired with sky-high Louboutin knock-offs?  What is with the thick rogue on their faces?  And why the hell do these girls in groups wear the same thing to these clubs?  (Though of course there was the time two decades ago when I started cutting off my jeans real short and then accessorizing them with safety pins --- seriously!)

Anyway, I do admit I go out at least once a week mostly to hang out with friends in bars and the occasional clubs.  Last Saturday we went to Opus Bar and my initial impression was the place looked... nice.  Until of course it started getting populated by its suki customers and somehow the bar just turned out to be a place to drink, hobnob, and yes, you better dress up otherwise the suspecting bouncers will not leave you alone.  Like, ya know?

For a time Bside was a favorite but it came to the point when the bar merely had about five tables filled.  My friends and I frequented Boozestop when we were broke (haha) and the New Penguin (now called Black Bird) is still probably trying to regain its former glory during its Malate days (although it had a few interesting gigs late last year and early this year).  M Café is a staple for us mainly because it has waaay better music than most clubs and the drinks are decent, and Martini’s at the Mandarin is quite posh and has one of the best ambience, cocktails and jazz acts around (Sino si Kat?).  If my friends and I just want to talk and drink an old favorite was Rue Bourbon at The Fort but we started staying away from it when it started getting too crowded by Distellery-type people (and I never really liked that place).  Lately we like to chow and drink at Barcino’s and we try our best to make it to Pub Quiz nights at Murphy's on Tuesdays. We haven’t gone out to dance in a long time but I have been to Republiq a couple of times.  I loved Jill’s at The Fort Strip for its Decadance Fridays, especially those days when you just want to dance like a dork to “Fill Me Up, Buttercup” and “My Sharona”.

I know. I am too stuck in Makati or The Fort.  Unfortunately, Malate is no longer what it used to be, Quezon City is a bit far (and assumingly occupied by the university crowd), and the Greenhills area has not excited me yet.  And I hate Ortigas (the same way some people hate Makati).

This is not to say I am such a party animal, but I like to get crazy once in a while (like five times a year, maybe).  Most of the time I like to watch people and figure out, "How come they all look the same?"  It's a great past time, believe me.

As another weekend awaits I have to admit I am still boggled where on earth to have a nice nightout in Manila.  The thing is, with age, a “nightout” gets redefined.  In this case, a nice nightout place needs to have the following points:

1. The crowd – Of course it is essential that we get to rub elbows with people within our age range, mostly professional, working people.  This may sound discriminating, but seriously, do youngsters want to hang out in a crowd about ten years older than them?  I don’t think so.  And I really hate to say this, but I’ve had a couple of experiences where, uh, “businesswomen” were flaunting their stuff on the dance floor.  It was quite awkward.

2. Good music --- I am going to eat my head if I hear another “R&B” dance remix.  I actually miss those rave and house days… how 90s, huh.

3. Decent drinks – we were once served a cocktail that tasted of something flammable (Gasoline?  Kerosene?) in one of Makati’s hotspots.  And when a friend asked for a White Russian, he was served a tall glass of watered down rhum with a separate shot glass of condensed milk (gulp).  I can only name a few places that serve really good cocktails, but normally it’s been a hit or a miss all over.  I wish bars here would get more creative with their drinks… we do have the talent and the yummy resources anyways.

4. Sustainability – what a big word, huh.  But seriously, it is all about finding your own Cheers… you know, that bar where everybody knows your name.  It is something I have always imagined: walking into a bar, post-work, and then the bartender knows what to concoct just by looking at that particular expression on my face.

Dirty martini, coming up.

Tired of Things That Break

I would like to share two of my favorite poems of late.

e.e. cummings

The first one is this work by Nick Laird which is part of Zadie Smith's (his wife) book On Beauty.  I adore this book and frankly I must say that this poem is an essential hook in this incredible novel.  Anyway, in the novel the poem was supposedly written by this teacher but in reality, of course, this is actually a piece by Nick Laird.

Here goes:

ON BEAUTY
by Nick Laird

No, we could not itemize the list
of sins they can't forgive us
The beautiful don't lack the wound
It is always beginning to snow.

Of sins they can't forgive us
speech is beautifully useless.
It is always beginning to snow.
The beautiful know this.

Speech is beautifully useless.
They are the damned.
The beautiful know this.
They stand around unnatural as a statuary.

They are the damned.
and so their sadness is perfect,
delicate as an egg placed in your palm.
Hard, it is decorated with their face.

and so their sadness is perfect.
The beautiful don't lack the wound.
Hard, it is decorated with their face.
No, we could not itemize the list.

I am not an expert on poetry and I don't think I am in any position to analyze it from an academic standpoint.  Anyhow, as you read the poem there is evidently a pattern of repetition which is actually called a pantoum (although this one is considered as a broken pantoum). 


After reading this poem a few years ago (I probably got the book sometime in 2008 or 2009) it felt like I was slapped in the face.  I am a sucker for patterns, you see, and at the back of my emotionally cerebral mind I managed to translate how these verses were in fact personally symbolic.  And what I love about this is that the repetition is broken which, in my personal opinion, the way certain patterns should be.

And speaking of patterns, this lovely ee cummings poem is a great answer from the Great Beyond.  I've always loved the work of this poet.

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

- e.e. cummings

<3

Just Thinking: Then and Now, and Thirty Minutes in Tagaytay

This is how you do it: on top of a jeep, heading towards paradise

I was in Tagaytay in the past two days for work.  During the time we were finally given the pre-dinner break --- and people started drifting off to their rooms or to the smoking area --- I was suddenly itching to take a walk.  It was a moment you can actually define as tinopak.  So walk, I did.  On the dirt sidewalk along Calamba Road.

To be honest it was, in a way, an important highlight for me.  It was not because I "needed to get away".  It was just exhilarating to walk on this rugged path which can be quite dangerous: vehicles zipped past, and I was walking on the side of the road that was terribly lit.  But it was a cool evening, there was a hint of a chilly breeze, and it was --- occasionally --- quiet.  The sky was clear Thursday night, the stars were out, and a sliver of the moon was the lone hole in the sky.  It reminded me of the time I was traveling my kind of traveling, if you know what I mean.

I brought up these past travels with Liz who was with me in these many misadventures, one rainy Monday night over risotto and chicken.  I had to remind her of our Palawan trip, particularly this leg from El Nido to Sabang (where the Underground River is).  As we took the last trip from the junction and the jeep was already full, we had no choice but to ride on the roof... along with sacks of food, equipment, and other interesting stuff you don't normally share space with while on the road.  I was positioned right on the front end of the roof which means should the driver make a sudden stop I would definitely fly off the roof and crash, like those cartoon sketches that are (supposed to be) funny.  Liz, who was squealing sort of behind me, was sitting on a plastic bag filled with... fresh meat.  It was such a treat, believe me.

Anyways, as Liz has been held hostage in the hospital for, oh, years, we haven't done any Palawan Part Two or Phuket Part Two or even Batanes Part Two.  So on that particular rainy Monday night, as Liz was (as usual) complaining about her schedule (and asking herself why she's taking up surgery for the trillionth time), I told her I was looking forward to the day she could finally get away so we could do another set of misadventures along the same tune of riding on the roof of a jeepney or flying via an airplane taxi stocked with live chickens and --- believe it or not --- a small drum of fuel.

But Liz said something like, "Can't we stay in a decent hotel next time?"  Yes, as we are older and, yes, in our current state we can afford a decent hotel instead of some hut in some back alley miles away from the center of the action, maybe it's about time to hire a van and arrive at our intended destination in, say, second-class style.

Breakfast at the (Starbucks) Universal Sheraton, Los Angeles

In the past year my adventures have been along the lines of these "decent hotels".  I was truly disorientated when I had to travel with a suitcase and not with the usual backpack.  It has been about traveling for business and traveling for the purpose of representing something.  Believe me, I was disorientated but hey, I am not complaining!

I was reminded of these things during that brief walk in Tagaytay, which, if only I wasn't conscious of the time, I'd probably end up at the edge of Taal Lake.  It was just so nice to wander off, with your consciousness bare to the bones, unminding of the supposed consequences as your being is just about the moment: the road, the sky, the dirt, the smoke belched by belchers, the reality that I was doing this, alone, away, flawed and fated.

Meatless Monday

I used to be 2/7 vegetarian, but alas, it was short-lived.  It is a challenge being a straight vegetarian once a day; I remember those times I was forcing myself not to eat anything, else I'd start consuming tons of canned meat.  Or normally I would mostly gobble bread and butter the entire day.  Not healthy at all.

To be honest I am currently struggling with my weight.  I am not overweight at all, in fact I have come to terms with the fact that I am finally in my adult body.  This means I have more curves, and hell yeah, for some reason my chest has become more defined.  I hope it's not because I got fat but because I do have a chest, you know?

This "weight struggle" is due to the fact I used to be quite lean because for a few years, until about a couple of years ago, I used to go to the gym.  As I have stopped going, I have formed a bit of padding and to the eyes of my friends I have gotten fat.  But anyway, the fitness regimen I have been trying to design for myself is for the sake of --- yes --- fitness, and I have to admit I want to lose about five pounds or more.  I hope the Hip-Hop Abs-ing I have been doing in the past month is working!

But anyway, to kick off a nice habit, I have decided to try a meatless Monday approach.  Suddenly I have no idea what to eat... being a Filipino I am used to eating all sorts of meat most of the time.  Vegetables have been mostly a side dish or maybe a garnish, the supporting cast in most meals.  Okay, there are a few dishes that highlight those leafy greens, but really, can you imagine eating kare-kare without the tender, off-the bones beef and that oh-so yummy tripe?  Laing without the essence of meat, ie pork?  Kamown.  I love Corner Tree Cafe, but I can't eat there all the time, can I?  And where have all the Mother Siachi's gone to?

To kick off (again) this once-a-week "meatless" thing, I have decided to come up with a simple meal plan for the day that I can pull off based on my resources.

Breakfast:  Pancakes and coffee
Lunch:  Kangkong and tofu from Chowking
Dinner:  Grilled cheese sandwich and salad
Snacks: Bananas and yoghurt and a few Visayan sweets that are currently being distributed around the office today (yema, pastillas)

Aurgh, looking at today's potential meals is already making me hungrier.  I better go down and get those pancakes otherwise I'll start eating my head.

Good luck and have a happy Monday/August!

Wet and Wild in Manila

A lot of people probably imagine the Philippines bathed in constant sunlight, throbbing under clear blue skies.  Well, it's true.  But the wet season here can get too wet, and even though many people merely complain of the rains, this shift in the seasons can bring forth tremendous tragedies.

The wet season has set in the Philippines and since June the country has been experiencing torrential rains. I've talked with a few people that even though this is "normal", the past years have definitely reflected some drastic changes especially as there was a time when June and July still seemed like summer.  The Philippines fall under two main seasons, the wet and the dry; June marks the wet season and the best weather normally kicks in around October until early May.  Of course, in the past years rains have been pouring in November and even in January, with the worst typhoon in the past three years, Ondoy, taking place in November of 2009.  The rains in the past weeks probably signify that the climate has re-calibrated, but frankly, I can't help but be amazed that the rains have been too much.  It's like the Philippines has been bombarded with typhoons almost every week.

We have to admit that these downpours are incredible spoilers to a lot of people's plans.  And seriously, it's hard to make plans if it's hard to predict what's going to happen.  Everybody's looking forward to the long weekend by the end of August and I myself want to do something nice for four days.  I actually thought of taking the "new" PNR train that heads straight to Bicolandia, but should a typhoon come, Bicol is normally hit first.  Anyways, who wants to take a wet weekend holiday?

A screen shot of the MMDA traffic navigator

Seriously, we cannot argue with nature but with all the flooding that's been happening, I hope that the Philippines will be more proactive when it comes to responding.  I have to at least say kudos to PAGASA for doing the best they can in weather forecasts, and I am currently a fan of the MMDA's interactive traffic navigator.  It is also helpful to be aware of the flood prone areas in the city, and post-Ondoy, the Mines and Geosciences Bureau released a map of flood-prone areas in Metro Manila.

Surviving the rains in the Philippines require common sense, of course.  Here are some things to remember to survive the rains in the country, with more notes on getting about in Metro Manila.

1. Be informed.  In this day and age, you know where to get your news.  There's the internet and there's television.  The radio, especially the AM stations, are very much active in feeding everyone with the latest news.  Twitter has been helpful as well as Filipino netizens are constantly online.  It is also very helpful to tune in to those morning shows to keep updated.

Make a wet fashion statement!

2. Be in fashion: bring your raingear.  Sure, a lot of people do not like bringing umbrellas but it will suck more ending up and smelling like a wet sock.  There are portables to store in your bag so you better make room or get wet (and sick).  What I particularly love are these "disposable" raincoats you can buy in hardware stores (esp Ace Hardware).  It is made of thin plastic and when folded right you can squeeze it in a 3 in x 5 in purse.  Maximize this raincoat by using it a number of times --- just be disciplined enough to dry it after use.

Another important note is to bring spare rubber thongs or sandals.  But if you do not want to risk leptospirosis --- or you just do not want to get your feet wet --- fashionable rain boots are apparently the trend these days.

3. Be strategic.  Arm yourself with practical information such as being aware of the flood-prone areas.  This way you can always run to alternatives if you get stuck.  For instance, if you work in Makati, the Pasong Tamo-Buendia area is very flood prone, especially the Pasong Tamo extension in the south; with this information in hand, going west of the city gives you the EDSA option or other possible side streets in the southern Manila City area.  Should there are huge problems, it always helps to ask a friend if you can crash in their place.

Stocking up on water, food and batteries is also another good measure, but please, don't go panic buying!

4. Be smart.  If it rains too hard, postpone your plans.  Life goes on; there are other days to have fun!

And speaking of fun, let's think of fun things to do during the rainy season.

Block Rocking and Slide

Jam 88.3 has been my radio station of choice since 2002, 2003.  No offense to NU --- I don't know if it's age, but at that time I was not liking what I was hearing.  Too many Linkin Park- and The Creed- rip-offs, and I am not even a fan of those music.  Anyway, Jam was new around that time, and it was actually my sister who suggested I start listening to that radio station.  I guess I was pretty impressed that the station would be a great company, especially those nights when I would just want to take the car for a ride whilst Dashboard Confessional's cover of "Nightswimming" was playing in the background.

I was quite glad when Jam introduced its "Block Rocking Thursday" as part of their programming.  This means tons of music along the orbits of Korn, Chemical Brothers and Prodigy.  It's usually kick-ass music that makes you want to bang your head, and it is a truly great wake-upper as you deal with the building Thursday traffic that is portentous of the weekend jam ahead.

"Slide" is the "oldies" program every Friday and one can expect the great hits of the 90s and earlier.  From The Beatles to Nirvana, your ears will be treated to rock, alternative and grunge.

I kinda thought that Jam was looking for an excuse to play more 90s music.... which is a really, really good excuse!  Admit it, the 90s and earlier years have been the greatest --- so far --- music-wise.  I admit I am biased because these are my favorite genres.  The thing is, even though we have new bands to appreciate like Bloc Party, MGMT, the Shout Out Louds, and those amazing indie rock groups from Canada like Stars, Broken Social Scene and Metric, the 90s remain to be a definitive music era.  At the moment I am not even sure how to define music these days.  The "alternative" musicians do not have the same clout as their counterparts a decade ago.  Sure, they Grammys awarded Arcade Fire with one of the most coveted awards, but Arcade Fire does not have the same influence as, say, Alanis Morisette, if you know what I mean.  I have to say I was expecting Eminem would win and I would think that Eminem deserved that award as well.

In film, productions are defined as either "commercial/mainstream" or "indie" (though "indie" is also associated with "art house", but an indie can be mainstream as well, of course).  The difference is not really in the substance (as opposed to the spectacle, which can be a huge difference), but the main influencing factor, in my opinion, is economic-political.  It's creative control equals who provides the money.  The general understanding is that as an independent you can do whatever you want.  Is it the same in music?

The line among genres are getting blurred these days, and I think it's because artistic sensibilities are changing. It's all about reaching more audiences.  For instance, RX 93, which is more "pop" or "mainstream", has been apparently playing Death Cab for Cutie sometimes.  I guess this is because even though DCC is "indie" or even "emo", the music is accessible to the ears.  I have to say the same for some Stars music, but Broken Social Scene and Metric are still enveloped in this membrane that requires an acquired taste.

I sort of like the idea of being a "snob" when it comes to tastes, from movies to music.  But as sensibilities are changing, so does the art.  Or is this how art evolves?  You know how it is --- from the elitist "high art" perception which is very Victorian to the liberalization that is exemplified by Andy Warhol.  But even though Andy Warhol is "commercial", that doesn't make him a "lesser" artist, right?

So there was the 90s and here is today.  We look back to the glory days mainly because they are worth glorifying.  We just have to figure out what is about today that we will glorify in the future.

(Professional) Maturity

On the way to work today I noticed that the drizzle picked up and for a few minutes the rain poured.  However, as I carefully cruised on Buendia southbound, conscious of the slippery pavement and the occasional commuter on bicycle and motorcycles, the view ahead of me shifted to what seemed like a symbolic snapshot in most movies --- where the clouds part and the bright sun streams through.

Of course I am sounding chirpy today as I got to work quite early.

For the past, say, five months I have been clocking in and out.  I have a desk, made my accomplishment reports, and tried to look busy on not-so-busy days.  I did my own version of knowledge management --- I actually read on industry-related articles and write-ups when there is nothing to do.  I complemented these readings with other materials which I think is relevant to my industry, in general.  Yes, even though I have given up on my freelance lifestyle, for the first time in my life I feel that this is the discipline I am looking for: it's called a routine.

But of course whilst freelancing I had this same routine of being a couch potato if I am not working on something.  See, sometimes too much freedom is not exactly freeing, if you know what I mean.

Then again, work is not always rosy, which is what it is, really.

Previously I wrote about investing in experiences and this is making me think more of what I want to experience.  I am not going to jump into the major ones, but I want those little things I get to do, get to experience, which I can integrate with my routine.  Like volunteering.  Or maybe taking up a language course although I already did that with French.  Or take up a class.  Something.  Something.

To be perfectly honest, I want to teach scriptwriting.

Doing than Owning

This article from the online Time magazine caught my sensibilities today:

Want Happiness? Don't Buy More Stuff --- Go on Vacation

As an adult in my early 30s, I have always wondered what to do with what I "have".  I know of people my age who have started investing in many ways: real estate, stocks, blue chips, whatever.  I am currently renting and although I have an idea how stock works, I do not really care much for them.  Alright, I am not going to delve into the state of my personal finance, but the article got me thinking, "What is money for, really?"

I do think we define money based on our life choices.  When people learn of some of the things I do --- travel, dine out, do the occasional shopping and spa afternoons --- I tell them, well, I only have myself to take care of.  But then again, I don't "own" a lot of stuff.  During the time I was freelancing I traveled a lot. If people saved up for iPods, I saved up for the next great adventure.  These days my travels have been so far due to work.  My experiences have been tied up to my professional direction.

Frankly, I feel that I need to do more.  I can't believe that once the clock strikes six I just want to go home.  It's not because of the traffic really, but I guess I do not really want to spend my post working hours inside the shopping mall.  I think this is a huge challenge, living in Manila.  Recreation has been unfortunately tied to consumption, and if you want to go somewhere, the mall is the most convenient place to go to.  It does suck that one of the major activities one inescapably has to do in Manila is to shop... because the activity is dangling right before our eyes.

I think to be able to have more meaning in this existence is to redefine the experiences you want and not the the things.  So I throw this question to this small galaxy that is Manila... what else is there?

On Rains and Cars and the Manila Traffic

I live in Manila, and believe me, this city remains to amaze me.

I am not going to rant here how bad traffic can get.  I mean, heck, I've seen and driven through the LA freeway in similar state, so I'd like to say that all these problems with traffic pretty much have to do with... how to deal with it.  Patience is a virtue, but you gotta be prepared.

Everyday --- well, except during my number-coding day ---- I drive to work.  It's not really a long drive if you think about it.  From Mandaluyong to the western edge of the Makati CBD, on lighter days I can make it in fifteen minutes.  On "normal days", 30-45 minutes will do.  Some days, though, it takes me more than an hour.  Crazy, huh.

I love to drive and I am known for what I call "secret passages".  These secret passages are NOT shortcuts, but rather alternative routes that can save you time but they sometimes require extra miles.  For instance, every time I drive north from my apartment in Mandaluyong, I take the San Juan route.  I take this specific street off Bluementritt which can lead me straight to N. Domingo or Aurora Boulevard.  From there, I take New Manila, the Scout area, and then Edsa via the Kamuning or Quezon Avenue u-turn.  Of course this does not save me from specific traffic blockages, i.e. corner of Broadway and N. Domingo which can be a pain because of the traffic light at the corner of Broadway and Araneta.  So what I do, if the left from N. Domingo to Broadway becomes a pain, I go straight, head to the Horseshoe area, and take a left instead at the old Magnolia that will lead me to Hemady.  And then I end up on E. Rodriguez where I get to choose between Thomas Morato or this small street leading to Kamuning.

Come rainy season, the trick with knowing all these shortcuts is you have to be aware of the flashflood areas. Mandaluyong, despite being a good alternate route between Makati and the north, is flood-prone.  Stay away from the Maysilo Circle as much as you can.  You can try the Barangka route, but this road tends to get really crowded because of the market.  And yes, it intersects Boni Avenue, hence the traffic can become a nightmare even on regular days.

San Juan is also a tricky area.  I think San Juan has lesser flooding because the area is generally hilly, but of course, as hills go up and down, there are certain sections that can get flooded with the snap of your fingers. An example is this area at the end of Manalo heading to Ver which offers salvation via the ends of Kalentong and then the higher ground at Bluementritt.

Anyways, I am now thinking maybe I should share some Manila traffic tips.  Because seriously... I know a lot of them.

Cross-post: How to Marry Jason Segel: Imagining Meeting Jason Segel

How to Marry Jason Segel: Imagining Meeting Jason Segel: "I am quite amazed with the fact that even though I haven't written here in a while, a few souls somehow manage to wander to this blog by mea..."

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I have decided to venture into the funny, on a dark and rainy Thursday morning.

Professional Blogging

I am thinking of blogging professionally.

I have been blogging for years but I have gone MIA recently.  Let's say in the past 3-4 years I have been inactive compared to the time I was really blogging.  And what I mean by really blogging --- it's all about writing thoughts and fears and annoyances.  It's a true journal, the kind that starts off with "Dear Diary" and ends with "Revenge!  Revenge!"

Yesterday I visited my old blog in Livejournal.  I actually made friends online, via that blog.  A stranger would drop by, read my blog, and this person would add me as a "friend".  And then there were comments.  And then I would add back, and the next thing you knew, you were making comments about each other's sex life and sharing seduction plans.

Right now, blogging has become less personal.

I think people are not that interested to learn about people as they used to.  Why the hell not --- we are bombarded with reality TV anyway.  The guys at Jershey Shore, albeit the fact that all they do is get drunk and kiss each other and generally piss about everyday... now that's the current demand.  Frankly, despite the fact that I go to work everyday, I clock in and out, and I go out once or twice a week, my life is far more colorful.  Because my thoughts actually have substance.

These thoughts --- are they something worth blogging about?  Why do people blog these days?  Do people still share pieces of themselves on the Internet aside from their reviews on the latest gadgets, the movies, the social scene, and what they are wearing?

I am currently using Twitter more mainly because I want to get the hand of these "stream of things".  I do not want to be left behind and grow old without having a clue how FourSquare works.  But hey... I haven't even got an iPod, my phone is in its rustic stage at 2 years old despite it being 3G and touchscreen and wi-fi enabled (it's very vintage considering the turnover of technology these days).

So if I am going to be a professional blogger, what am I going to write about?

Picking Up

The last time I wrote here was November 2010.  That was about seven months ago.  Looking back, it was a pretty tumultuous period.  I had a project I couldn't get off the ground.  I was not taking as many projects as I used to which is why I got pretty broke around that time (and then I managed to get a cool project-based arrangement which expanded my writing).  I lost  few friendships.  I was trying to get my dating life in order while nursing a broken heart --- in which case, this said "dating life" remains to be in the height of suspense in the manner of, "Who is the next guy?  Is this going to be a mistake again?  Is she temporarily going to give up on this tiring quest of finding love, hence is she going to "use" another guy (again) in way of pantawid-gutom (eow!)?"

Seriously --- every time there is the attempt to get things right this time around, there are always the glitches.  It kinda makes life exciting.  Kabbalists will probably point out that finding the light is the main purpose after all.  It is all about not going to the dark place.  As this Reese Witherspoon character read from a self-affirmation post-it in this movie which I can't remember the title of (because it was pretty ho-hum even though it starred Reese, Paul Rudd and Owen Wilson), "Courage is not the lack of fear but the mastery of fear" --- or something.  Anyway, it is all about the mastery.  Balance is another word.  But hey, let's give ourselves the permission to be human, alright?

Come late December I accepted this full time job.  I am not going to disclose my job details in this blog, but a lot of the exciting happenings in my life is because of this job.  It's pretty cool.  I have travelled to three countries starting last March, and yes, thanks to this job, I have finally set foot in the United States of America and spend some time in France.  Actually, at the moment I am picking up this blog while on a lay-over in Incheon, Korea from Los Angeles to Manila, and I am dang glad that this airport is modern, well-designed, and lay-over-friendly.  And it has free Internet too.

So yes.  Career-wise it is a bit of a weird turnout, but still very much in the film industry which I refuse to get out of.  I somehow call this stint motivated by a "personal noble cause", which, funnily, this Hollywood guy I met at an LA party could not help but laugh as --- yes --- "personal" and "noble" do not really go together.  But you know.  We have such quirks.  Besides, anything noble has to come from a personal cause.  Something along the opposite ends of psychic numbing, which means you are being proactive about it instead of complaining, complaining, complaining.  Or being apathetic and indifferent.

I think in the next year I am going to make some drastic career moves.  I can't help but say that somehow I learned something from my LA trip.  It was short but personally and professionally necessary.  Hey, I might not have met Jason Segel on this trip, but I have managed to find myself discovering this working balance among inspiration, idealism, and being a plain hard-ass.  I am no longer in my 20s.  I have managed to set my foot in the process of awakening this time around.