Pretty Good Year

2011 has been a mixed blast.  I traveled to many places: I went to Europe and the USA.  I loved my work.  There was a dramatic change in me.  I woke up at 6AM almost everyday and made it a point to be on time.  I joined the stream of the normal, the rush hour and the clock, and it actually felt... good.

And then just recently, it felt like I was back to zero.  But of course, that's not really true.  It just feels zero.  It feels so because it is change.

I (want to) believe that we are put in situations we can handle and that even on the brink of desperation what we perceive as a mile step backward is in fact a nudge towards a new direction: the direction you really want to be in.  I generally got what I wanted this year and that is lots of travels and lots of new people and experiences.  What I lost (more of resigned from) does not take away what I gained.  I actually gained more, and this time it is the form of wisdom (I hope).

I look ahead at 2012 with a blank slate.  It feels scary.  I am going to be thirty-three.  Have things changed?  Is this still me?  Am I going to do the same things?  Make the same mistakes, feel the same wrongs?  Will I lose what I had in 2011?  How do I keep what I gain?

That is the thing.  We do not know that.  I do not know that.  What will happen lies in what I do tomorrow.  And the day after that.  Heck, what I do later can even affect what will happen tomorrow.

I don't want to think that life is but a chain of events but what happens to us is still according to us.  Artists create their expressions, people express what they want to create.  I want to run to God and ask for help but at the end of the day, God is inside me... hey, God is me.  I create my own life.  I turn to the universe because I want to believe there is Something beyond me.  And there is.  What is beyond is infinite, inside and outside of me.  I am a physical embodiment of stars.

When we pray we usually pray for ourselves.  When we pray for other people, we do not really leave it to the universe so that they get saved and blessed.  We do something about it.  We do not just pray for those saved by tragedy, we also do something.  What we think we manifest, and the only way to manifest things is by doing.  And by having faith, of course.

The world might end according to some but what is true is that we are forever transforming.  Things are only the same if you think so.  When we wake up tomorrow, be surprised ---- we are fueled with new possibilities.  What we do about it?  It's up to you.