A Year From Now

Inspired by this blogger that I have been reading (on-and-off) for years: she blogged My Boyfriend is a Twat but then the Twat is apparently no longer the Boyfriend, hence, she is now Learning English Again. Now, back in the motherland, things have been apparently far from a movie ending or a butterfly sequel, but the thing is, there is change.

I have to admit that I am so envious of change.

I can't help but wonder: will I look back to the past (now) in the future and realize what big a difference time makes?

I guess the best way to address the envy --- and to answer the question --- is to start now.

Copy Paste Quotes

I have been on Twitter a lot lately which explains why I have sort of abandoned this blog. And... I have to admit in a fangirl fashion (and in a temporarily deranged state) that I did pay some attention to my other blog wherein I was scheming-schmanning (more of the latter) on how to marry Jason Segel (who is now enthralled by Ms Michelle Williams, thereby marrying him now is out of the question).

I have to admit that I am also in this state of change in manner of Oprah's "Your Best Life Ever" which has, funnily and tragically, so far resulted to the very 90s-ish Bridget Jones minus the smoking (I've had a very bad asthma attack two weeks ago), the drinking (victim of watered-down cocktails), and the "this is Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, naughty man between her legs" kind-of dialogue.

Then again, if it has been smoke-less, drunken-less, and lack-of-shag, how is this Bridget Jones-like, eh?

I guess the only Bridget-ish in this current existence is the part where these don't exist thereby similarities come in the form of... self-help, weight-loss management, and the search for that very much anonymous Mr. Mark Darcy.

Hahahahaha. Yes, I am so fucking sick and tired.

Anyway, speaking of Twitter, I am subscribed to the Tweets of "Great Mind Quotes" which, yes, twitters about great quotes from great persons dead and alive. Mind you that I just don't retweet any quote, I just retweet those that I find relevant. Ergo, relevance shall be copy-and-pasted!

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." - John Irving
"No pressure, no diamonds." - Mary Case
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom." - George S. Patton
"A year from now you may wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb
"Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision." - Peter Drucker
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle
"The greatest happiness is to transform one's feelings into action." - Madame de Stael
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou
"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." - Milton Berle
"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." - Howard Ruff


Inspired yet? Inspired much!

This is a Cool Blog

This should be a cool blog.

Why? Because this is going to make something out of the expected daily grind. Because this is going to paint a picture of why Picasso saw sharp shapes. Because this is going to narrate the story of Nothing which can be graphically possible, really.

So I shall begin by writing about the weather.

It's about ten shades of grey outside, sky blue fighting in one generous corner, a cluster of fluffy clouds flirting about as they oscillate between white and silver and eeny, meany, whinny black. But at the moment the skies are nice enough to let the sun have a peek at this drenched land, which could use a bit more wetness, if you know what I mean. No, I do not ask for a flood; too busy to make some ark.

Schedule-wise it is a blank slate, save for a sudden client meeting in a couple of hours. I should be preparing self for some life-changing decision which actually boils down to me asking for a pretty long absence (with or without leave) that shall commence in less than two weeks. That's just the first step, and true to the law of sequencing (such thing?) step two shall manifest, sequitur. Good luck with that.

To make matters more interesting, here is what I've had so far (in food terms):

1. Hot Milo, small cup of.
2. Skyflakes crackers, a packet of.
3. White rice, half-a-cup of.
4. Kare-kare (stewed beef, tripe and veg in peanut sauce), a cup of.
5. Cavendish banana, one dang huge piece that it reminded me of someone.
6. Water, about six glasses so far.

On a health note, I was pretty alarmed when a colleague remarked that I might have diabetes as I threw some stupid tantrum whilst at work a couple of months ago; she said that I was obviously hungry therefore I got irritated, which can explain the potential of me being a diabetic. I had to tell her, quite nicely, that: a) anyone who is overworked and hungry will tend to snap the head out of everyone, and b) I was irritated because I had to deal with idiocy the entire night. I am sorry, but tantrums flare.

But that didn't stop me from Googling "diabetes symptoms" afterwards. Symptoms-wise... well, I have been tired and fatigued, yes. No, I don't have wounds that have been having a hard time healing. I might have been infected by something but I think I've already flushed it out of my system. Besides, I was recently hospitalized and everyone's shocked that the tests showed I was pretty normal and healthy, thus everybody wondered why I was being hysterical at the sight of a needle and the moments connecting me to an IV seemed like I was some emery bag in need of some serious poking and thrusting.

Anyhow, at the moment it seems that the three shades of blue are winning outside the battle of the Manila skies, thanks to that bloody storm finally heading out of this country.

Coolness.

After the Quake

before, it was stillness
during, it was movement
after, it was history

Pretty Good Year

2011 has been a mixed blast.  I traveled to many places: I went to Europe and the USA.  I loved my work.  There was a dramatic change in me.  I woke up at 6AM almost everyday and made it a point to be on time.  I joined the stream of the normal, the rush hour and the clock, and it actually felt... good.

And then just recently, it felt like I was back to zero.  But of course, that's not really true.  It just feels zero.  It feels so because it is change.

I (want to) believe that we are put in situations we can handle and that even on the brink of desperation what we perceive as a mile step backward is in fact a nudge towards a new direction: the direction you really want to be in.  I generally got what I wanted this year and that is lots of travels and lots of new people and experiences.  What I lost (more of resigned from) does not take away what I gained.  I actually gained more, and this time it is the form of wisdom (I hope).

I look ahead at 2012 with a blank slate.  It feels scary.  I am going to be thirty-three.  Have things changed?  Is this still me?  Am I going to do the same things?  Make the same mistakes, feel the same wrongs?  Will I lose what I had in 2011?  How do I keep what I gain?

That is the thing.  We do not know that.  I do not know that.  What will happen lies in what I do tomorrow.  And the day after that.  Heck, what I do later can even affect what will happen tomorrow.

I don't want to think that life is but a chain of events but what happens to us is still according to us.  Artists create their expressions, people express what they want to create.  I want to run to God and ask for help but at the end of the day, God is inside me... hey, God is me.  I create my own life.  I turn to the universe because I want to believe there is Something beyond me.  And there is.  What is beyond is infinite, inside and outside of me.  I am a physical embodiment of stars.

When we pray we usually pray for ourselves.  When we pray for other people, we do not really leave it to the universe so that they get saved and blessed.  We do something about it.  We do not just pray for those saved by tragedy, we also do something.  What we think we manifest, and the only way to manifest things is by doing.  And by having faith, of course.

The world might end according to some but what is true is that we are forever transforming.  Things are only the same if you think so.  When we wake up tomorrow, be surprised ---- we are fueled with new possibilities.  What we do about it?  It's up to you.

What's For Dinner

Putting together a meal plan at home has been a struggle since I started working full time.  When I moved out and moved in to my apartment I was always looking forward to cooking something up on the stove.  Shopping for food was bliss.  I had pasta daydreams.  I just wanted to make something I would consume myself.

Alas, when I worked nine-to-six for nine months I kinda neglected the stove.  Right now I am not even sure if I have enough gas in my tank.  My two-door fridge is empty.  I bet there is something rotting in the pantry.

At the moment I have tons of time in my hands as I have quit my full time job.  Although I have to say I will be busy in the coming weeks, my time is still something I can manage myself.  Right now I had substantial time to cook my dinner but instead of thinking of what to cook, I was considering which fast food to hit.  There's a newly opened KFC around the corner, and I caught myself thinking if I should get a Zinger or settle for a smaller-sized chicken sandwich as I am trying to manage my, say, health.  Because of such indecision I am still sitting in my home get-up and thinking that the early evening news and recovery from a very recent allergy attacks are enough to keep me home and undecided in the next thirty minutes.  But what the hey.

Right now I don't even know what I want to eat.  In a way I am starting to understand those who have lost their appetite and that eating is just a necessary function.  I am afraid I might start to binge in a few days and then I'll go on a hunger strike again just because nothing seems to appeal to me.  I don't know how this will work out now that the holidays will hit everyone like a sudden under current and food will continue to magically appear in-front of you.

Or maybe being under the weather in the past two days have been causing this similarity to a terminal ennui, a decided disinterest.  The small bar of Snickers did not work.  I am immune to caffeine though I swallowed it with a floating capsule of antihistamine.  I had a small piece of liempo for lunch and a sampler of fruit from the supermarket for merienda.

I think I'll have a Zinger for dinner.

So what were you doing ten years and a day ago?

I wasn’t exactly looking forward to the 9/11 memorial, well, yesterday.  I was sure it was a big deal; after all, CNN was airing 9/11 “specials” last week and some “match airing” American talk shows were also gearing up for the 9-11-11.  And of course I am aware of the tremendous impact of 9/11; after all, the TV was on CNN that fateful day ten years and a day ago and I remember reacting to it whilst writing the usual litany on the UP Red Cross Youth Yahoo group message board, which was the biggest thing pre-social networking era.  

I guess the reason I wasn’t initially interested was because I was a mere spectator to these events.  But of course despite the “disinterest”, instead of taking advantage of my Cine Europa pass, I stayed home and watched 102 Minutes that Changed America on Talk TV and then the ceremonies as broadcasted on CNN and BBC.  I fell asleep with the TV on, and I woke up to the same thing.  I guess grief does not really end.

After 9/11 I found myself getting curious about the Middle East, Islamic extremism, and, oh yeah, I saw Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 a few times and documentaries Beneath the Veil and The Beauty School of Kabul.  I became interested in American politics, especially their foreign policies.  I also read and watched features on Western imperialism.  Last year I finished the book In Baghdad, a memoir of a journalist who was assigned to cover the siege of Iraq. I was conspiracy curious.  I found myself angry every time the Muslim extremists were interviewed on TV and they justified jihad and demanded the implementation of the shari’a in the societies they immigrated into but at the same time I was angry at the West for claiming the right to lord over the Middle East after 9/11.  I actually got upset when I heard the news of that innocent South American man living in London who was gunned down by the police because he looked suspicious --- and yes, he kinda looked Middle Eastern because of the color of his skin.  That’s racial profiling for you.

The Hillary and Scotty show on Jam 88.3 this morning discussed  9/11, of course.  I thought they had a very interesting discussion.  The critical discourse post-9/11 ranges from the controversies on national security practices, ie racial profiling, to the essentials of cultural differences.  I guess people go either way after 9/11: you learn tolerance or you learn to suspect more.  Do we suspect every Muslim we meet on the street?  A Muslim woman who wears the burka because it was her choice?  What about multicultural societies --- do we honor cultural diversity or we demand assimilation?  Are the Americans right?

Pleasantville was aired on HBO last night; I thought the film was excellent in all its symbolic glory (I was on a ride in that arena as the cable channel aired The Truman Show before that).  Pleasantville is about change and the lost of innocence.  In the movie, Pleasantville is actually a black and white TV show, but when its world was shaken by two teenagers who “accidentally” found themselves in this world, people start seeing color... and then they cease being black and white.  I guess after 9/11 the world became more black and white but for some it merely turned into gray.  After 9/11 you learn a lot of things but the truth is that event was just a catalyst; the reality is that other countries have been having their own 9/11s which the majority of the world were mostly ignorant about.  I find it unfortunate that it took the destruction of two towers  that happened in less than two hours and not the massive destruction of communities over the course of several years to have people start paying this much attention.  Maybe you have to be a victim to start seeing color, huh.

My heart goes out to the victims, the innocent passengers of those planes, the occupants of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, the heroes who braved the danger and the rubble to save the lives of others.  But the sympathy does not end there.  There are other victims as well, especially the innocent lives that were lost in different parts of the world when the war on terrorism began.

And most of all, I feel sorry for ourselves.  But I do not want to lose hope, especially for this jaded, conflicted world.