I am no longer fat, but I am still voluptuous

Damn you, ca-lo-rieeesss!!!

This is a shameless post. But then again, why should I be ashamed especially if I want to share something that a LOT of people are probably trying to, say, solve?

This time, I am going to talk about weight.

I was a stick insect. I was one of those kids who weighed eighty pounds at almost five feet. I was thin before I hit puberty that neighbors suspected I had tuberculosis and even my aunts and uncles muttered "malnourished" at the sight of me. Seriously. I was that thin that my eyes seemed big and everybody called me kuwago (owl). I used to run to my grandmother and cried because teasing was so mean among kids, and I wasn't so sure if kuwago was less offensive than kabayo (horse) which they called my neighbor Cheryl. My lola had to point out that they called me kuwago because I was smart and had high grades, and that my other playmate was a bigger kuwago than I was (count on my grandmother to make me feel waaay better).

When the teen years hit I started to have, say, more flesh. I can still remember when this happened: it was the week I returned to school after missing out on two weeks of schoolwork due to chicken pox. See, I had chicken pox to thank for: not only did I gain a bit of weight, but at that time I discovered the wonders of Chin Chun Su which our househelp prodded me to use so I would avoid potential marks due to the pox. Ah, that "pearl cream" that flooded the Chinese drugstores! Chin Chun Su was so popular it can probably beat different variations of glutathione in the ass. And it's waaaay cheaper too!

Going back to the weight. Anyway.

For most of my life I was pretty toned and slim. I wasn't thin-thin --- my younger sister got the "thinner" gene. I was fit because I was active. When I started working, I was a member of Slimmers World and then Fitness First; I actually HATE running but I pushed myself to go on the treadmill. I made it a point to climb at least one mountain a year. I went to as many travel-adventures as I could. My muscles were awake. I was burning, burning... and why does it --- what's the word --- BUUURN!

Well, until I got older. And quit the gym because I would rather watch 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray than go on a spinning class. Ka-bam.

My advocacy is No Carbs Left Behind.

Of course, MANY people had to remark that I got fat even though I am not fat or say, "overweight", by definition. Yas, ang taba mo!!! Yas, tumaba ka ba? Yas, bakit ang laki ng hita mo? Yas, I didn't realize you have BOOBS! Huh. My friend Liz actually had to tell me several times of that fact: I wasn't fat, I just used to be way thinner, which is, really, a kinder way to say that I've gained massive weight. Fine, I gained at least ten pounds in three years. Satisfied? When I was hospitalized and I was on steroids I gained so much weight that I weighed more than Bridget Jones on a bad day. Satisfied?

The thing is --- why sit on my ass and complain and feel sorry for myself? It will eventually amount to another ten pounds!

Of course, in addition to the fact that it felt strange for me to look in the mirror and see myself, well, growing, I was concerned for my health. It's the usual complaint: I was heavier thus I felt heavier. Moments of struggling to breathe. My knees were starting to ache. I was scared to climb a hill. I like to read health articles and it usually scares the shit out of me (like they're my horror fix). And man, the torture of being told by certified, uh, persons of mass that I was horizontally challenged! Oh, my mental and emotional health!

The quest to at least keept at it was through efforts of working out at home. I have a couple of DVDs on yoga, pilates, and Tae-bo Jam! But man, it was hard. I love to eat and I love not to exercise. My post-work routine was cook, eat and then lie on the couch to watch TV; I even pushed myself to survive through the junk on the tube until I get to the real junk which is the paparazzi TV show TMZ before it hits midnight (which I luurvve). Still, I my Body Mass Index was a few knots from the "overweight" line!

But something happened this year. Oh, how life can change by one small thing: I let my cable get cut.

Can you believe that the lack of television has, at least, contributed to my weight-loss program? Since I live alone I can do whatever I want --- and yes, that includes prancing around naked, theoretically speaking --- one of the things I like to do is when I get bored, I roll out my yoga mat and pop in a workout DVD!

Yes. I admit. I do Yoga-Flex with Kathy Lee, Tae-bo and Turbo Jam with Billy Blanks, and even Kristin McGee's MTV Pilates workout. I am a fan of Hip-Hop Abs --- I always make it a point to have a date with Shaun-T and the gang at least thrice a week. I see them more than I see my family and friends!

I am not saying I have significantly lost weight but with the rate I am going right now I am going to need new pants in less than a month and I can prance around in a string bikini for all I care. I actually lost weight, interestingly, after I got out of the hospital, when the steroids were tapered off. But then again, prior to that event I was already on my regimen: I actually started last March. See? The pounds I shed off didn't seem obvious until May, two months after I started it. It does take a lot of work and discipline. And it takes time.

It is indeed a struggle, especially if your body's wheels are no longer in its former form. I have been also changing my diet, and that too, was crucial albeit quite difficult. Basically, it's simple: eating less rice and carbs. I also control my portions. Drink as much water as I can. Drink more green tea, eat more fruits and vegetables. Cut down the junk and fast food, especially soda. I don't deprive myself of sweets, but when I really have to, I prioritize a small bowl of mixed fruit from the supermarket. Oh, and I haven't smoked a puff for more than a month. Yay!

The secret, I guess, is to make it a habit and then make a lifestyle out of it. When I feel like it, which happens at least once a week, I go meatless for a day. For example, I have a cereal drink in the morning, my favorite vegetarian banh-mi at Wabi-Sabi for lunch, my mixed fruit for snacks and then a simple lettuce-tomato-carrots-cucumber salad and a fruit in the evening. When I eat pretty heavy during the day, say, I did go for a cheeseburger, at least a cup of rice with meat, and maybe a doughnut, I try to "cleanse" it by having green tea in the evening and then I go hip-hop abs-ing in the evening and then yoga to cap it off. I also like to walk; there was a time last May when I went home to the Manila house from San Antonio Village in Makati on foot. Seriously. I did get a very bad blister because I was wearing flats, but did it get my heart pumping!

By my estimate I have probably lost at least five pounds since March. That's not much, but considering  I work full time, thus I sit of my ass most of the day and I am NOT on the Biggest Loser.  Not bad.

The downside, however, is that there have been tendencies for perfection, if you know what I mean. Sometimes it felt that it is not enough, like I need to lose more weight. I still look at my thighs with murder in my eyes. I slap my small belly for existing and I always check the state of my arms. It's not really psycho but for me, that's motivation. I have plans to run this weekend for fitness' sake because even though I have been working on my core, endurance is something that I really need to work on. The truth is, weight management does not stop; you do not really do it for the weight, it has to stick with you, as much as possible, for life.


Besides, let's admit this one true thing about weight management and body toning, this objective that unites us all, this one bit that keeps us going and shell out those moollahs, the Benjamins, the anda: it all boils down to what Kevin Spacey says to this gay couple in American Beauty:

I want to look good naked.