2011 has been a mixed blast. I traveled to many places: I went to Europe and the USA. I loved my work. There was a dramatic change in me. I woke up at 6AM almost everyday and made it a point to be on time. I joined the stream of the normal, the rush hour and the clock, and it actually felt... good.
And then just recently, it felt like I was back to zero. But of course, that's not really true. It just feels zero. It feels so because it is change.
I (want to) believe that we are put in situations we can handle and that even on the brink of desperation what we perceive as a mile step backward is in fact a nudge towards a new direction: the direction you really want to be in. I generally got what I wanted this year and that is lots of travels and lots of new people and experiences. What I lost (more of resigned from) does not take away what I gained. I actually gained more, and this time it is the form of wisdom (I hope).
I look ahead at 2012 with a blank slate. It feels scary. I am going to be thirty-three. Have things changed? Is this still me? Am I going to do the same things? Make the same mistakes, feel the same wrongs? Will I lose what I had in 2011? How do I keep what I gain?
That is the thing. We do not know that. I do not know that. What will happen lies in what I do tomorrow. And the day after that. Heck, what I do later can even affect what will happen tomorrow.
I don't want to think that life is but a chain of events but what happens to us is still according to us. Artists create their expressions, people express what they want to create. I want to run to God and ask for help but at the end of the day, God is inside me... hey, God is me. I create my own life. I turn to the universe because I want to believe there is Something beyond me. And there is. What is beyond is infinite, inside and outside of me. I am a physical embodiment of stars.
When we pray we usually pray for ourselves. When we pray for other people, we do not really leave it to the universe so that they get saved and blessed. We do something about it. We do not just pray for those saved by tragedy, we also do something. What we think we manifest, and the only way to manifest things is by doing. And by having faith, of course.
The world might end according to some but what is true is that we are forever transforming. Things are only the same if you think so. When we wake up tomorrow, be surprised ---- we are fueled with new possibilities. What we do about it? It's up to you.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What's For Dinner
Putting together a meal plan at home has been a struggle since I started working full time. When I moved out and moved in to my apartment I was always looking forward to cooking something up on the stove. Shopping for food was bliss. I had pasta daydreams. I just wanted to make something I would consume myself.
Alas, when I worked nine-to-six for nine months I kinda neglected the stove. Right now I am not even sure if I have enough gas in my tank. My two-door fridge is empty. I bet there is something rotting in the pantry.
At the moment I have tons of time in my hands as I have quit my full time job. Although I have to say I will be busy in the coming weeks, my time is still something I can manage myself. Right now I had substantial time to cook my dinner but instead of thinking of what to cook, I was considering which fast food to hit. There's a newly opened KFC around the corner, and I caught myself thinking if I should get a Zinger or settle for a smaller-sized chicken sandwich as I am trying to manage my, say, health. Because of such indecision I am still sitting in my home get-up and thinking that the early evening news and recovery from a very recent allergy attacks are enough to keep me home and undecided in the next thirty minutes. But what the hey.
Right now I don't even know what I want to eat. In a way I am starting to understand those who have lost their appetite and that eating is just a necessary function. I am afraid I might start to binge in a few days and then I'll go on a hunger strike again just because nothing seems to appeal to me. I don't know how this will work out now that the holidays will hit everyone like a sudden under current and food will continue to magically appear in-front of you.
Or maybe being under the weather in the past two days have been causing this similarity to a terminal ennui, a decided disinterest. The small bar of Snickers did not work. I am immune to caffeine though I swallowed it with a floating capsule of antihistamine. I had a small piece of liempo for lunch and a sampler of fruit from the supermarket for merienda.
I think I'll have a Zinger for dinner.
Alas, when I worked nine-to-six for nine months I kinda neglected the stove. Right now I am not even sure if I have enough gas in my tank. My two-door fridge is empty. I bet there is something rotting in the pantry.
At the moment I have tons of time in my hands as I have quit my full time job. Although I have to say I will be busy in the coming weeks, my time is still something I can manage myself. Right now I had substantial time to cook my dinner but instead of thinking of what to cook, I was considering which fast food to hit. There's a newly opened KFC around the corner, and I caught myself thinking if I should get a Zinger or settle for a smaller-sized chicken sandwich as I am trying to manage my, say, health. Because of such indecision I am still sitting in my home get-up and thinking that the early evening news and recovery from a very recent allergy attacks are enough to keep me home and undecided in the next thirty minutes. But what the hey.
Right now I don't even know what I want to eat. In a way I am starting to understand those who have lost their appetite and that eating is just a necessary function. I am afraid I might start to binge in a few days and then I'll go on a hunger strike again just because nothing seems to appeal to me. I don't know how this will work out now that the holidays will hit everyone like a sudden under current and food will continue to magically appear in-front of you.
Or maybe being under the weather in the past two days have been causing this similarity to a terminal ennui, a decided disinterest. The small bar of Snickers did not work. I am immune to caffeine though I swallowed it with a floating capsule of antihistamine. I had a small piece of liempo for lunch and a sampler of fruit from the supermarket for merienda.
I think I'll have a Zinger for dinner.
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