It was a good decision that I attended UP Red Cross Youth's 18th anniversary gathering. I was having second thoughts to go as I had buried my beloved grandfather the day before, but as lolo would probably say (though not really in his words, haha), Go lang ng go. Or as how he and my grandmother used to tell me annoyingly every time I bugged them I wanted to get out of the house: Hay, umalis ka na nga. My family didn't frown on my decision to go to a party after a sad event as they, including my lolo, knew that UP RCY was family for me.
I honestly found the entire thing a bit... strange. I used to hang out a lot with these people, and I meant A LOT. UPRCY took up most of my college years. The org was essential in my character building as, I have to admit, UPRCY enabled the adventurous and lakwatsera in me. This is not to say I wasn't those things before I joined the org, but as they say, it's a meeting of kindred spirits. Prior to RCY I was a member of AIESEC (partying) and UP Quill (artsy folks) which I thought would generally represent who I was, but it was in this org, which I initially thought were populated with geeks who practice first aid during their free time, that I experienced some of my very best years.
And of course, it was through UPRCY where I met many of my closest friends, and those I shared certain bonds with that couldn't be easily destroyed by time.
The thing with the gathering last Saturday was that the old generation Crooners were requested to perform. See, UPRCY had this, er, glee club which generally performs during the holidays for fundraising purposes. I own up to naming the group Crooners (I was Project Coordinator of the group for a semester and had to "sell" ourselves), and Crooners practice and performances were always the main highlight of the year. I was among the altos along with... oh, maybe four other girls? I remember Leah and Ayo in our small group, and I think Thessa, Liz and Rica were sopranos. Evy was probably an alto. Anyway, we had the best fun. El, who was among the leaders of the group, would arrange a small spot in an engineering building extension (?) beside the Melchor Hall where we would have our practice until 9PM.
At that time I had no problem singing. I sang a lot. I sang while drawing and drafting my plates for architecture class. I think I even sang whilst solving those annoying engineering science problem sets. I thought I had a pretty decent voice. I sang along with my Tori Amos, Tuck and Patti, and Everything But the Girl cassette tapes (how ancient). See, I had no problem singing.
When the Crooners had a very brief meeting during the event last Saturday, and I was handed the piece we sang a lot outside our Christmas carols ("Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin"), I was suddenly flooded with fear. I couldn't remember how to sing.
I had been trying, all these years, to sing again. I don't want to be dramatic, but really, I somehow lost my voice. Maybe because I just stopped singing. I don't think cigarettes have to be blamed anyways as I only smoke occasionally and I smoked A LOT back in college. Singing was one of those things I used to do, and oddly enough, I really can't remember when I just stopped. I can't even remember a single song that I can sing in full.
Singing with the Crooners again became a reminder and proof. I can still sing, somehow. Maybe it takes good company to sing with, no? And the good years to get the voice going. The performance was not perfect, and there were only few Crooners who showed up, but we managed and, hell yeah, we sounded good. To be honest, if the teasing stops and becomes a serious discussion of having the group form again for some small gigs (I am talking about fundraising and caroling, mind you), I think I am going to say yes. Why not? It's the good things that need to be revived.
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